Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Scholarship and Discipleship

For the past few months now, I have been working through the correspondence course for the Bardic Grade of the Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids, in addition to my work in the First Degree of the Ancient Order of Druids in America. I wanted to experience the different approaches and flavors that each of these Orders has to offer, and to take advantage of the public forums and tutoring programs that each provide. Recently, my OBOD tutor asked me an interesting question, and this evening, having finished a letter in reply, I wanted to share some of my thoughts here.

Are you going through this course to broaden your knowledge of 'pagan theology' or are you doing it from a deep seated spiritual path that resonates with you on a personal level?
I've been considering this question a lot recently, and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure. Firstly, I am definitely approaching Druidry from a deep, spiritual urge that stirs with a thrill of recognition whenever I read books or essays on modern Druidry. There are aspects of my life that seem to fit perfectly with Druidry--such as my devotion to poetry and music, my love of and fascination with nature, and my desire for a supportive spiritual community which accepts, encourages and inspires mystic and experiential paths to Spirit. In principle (if not in fact), the Catholicism of my childhood incorporated all of these things, and so for a long time I studied Christian theology and mythology, especially as they've been interpreted and utilized by various saints and mystics, trying to find connections to my own personal spiritual life. Eventually, I began to realize that most of these inspired and inspiring mystics, venerated posthumously as saints, were often persecuted and harassed by the Church while they were alive; furthermore, while the modern Church didn't necessarily forbid a reverence for nature, poetry and ecstatic seeking, it certainly didn't encourage or even much acknowledge them.

So I feel like I am of two minds at the moment. On the one hand, Druidry speaks to certain needs that I've had as a spiritual being ever since I can remember. When I was a little girl, I had an imaginary friend who was a Native American girl I named Little Deer, to whom I wrote letters and poems. I would imagine her living secretly in the woods by my house, singing to the trees and conversing with the birds, playing hide and seek with the local foxes; meanwhile, I imagined myself to be a like-soul, explaining to her my own heritage, more literary and scholarly, perhaps, and flavored and influenced by my father's Irish heritage, but still wild and in tune with the local landscape, the streams and fields and woods. Though I did not know of them at the time, looking back I would say I imagined myself as a daughter of Druids, the shamanic nature priests from across the ocean. As an adult, I feel that at the heart of Druidry are those very things which have seemed marginalized, if not downright rejected, by Christianity, and so in that sense, I feel like my work with this course is a highly personal calling.

On the other hand, I know from my academic experience and research in college that Christianity itself is widely varied according to its many historical and cultural settings. I have yet to find anything about my personal spirituality which technically conflicts with the "theology" of Catholicism, and indeed, I feel very moved by ideas of the Trinity and the mystical Logos and "waters of life" found in particular in the Gospel of John. Although I would consider myself a panentheist, rather than a monotheist, it seems to me that the idea of Christ as an incarnate Divine figure embraces the notion that Spirit both transcends and is immanent within the world (not to mention Jesus' many parables about the natural world).

As an academic, I have always tried to approach other religions with the attitude best summed up by the question, "What if this were true?" I try to study other religious systems not just from an external, analytical perspective that recognizes patterns and relationships, but by imagining what it would be like to be a "believer" or practitioner. I ask myself, "What would it mean if this were true about the nature of reality? How would it influence the way I live and understand my life? What would it take for me, as a human being, to believe this thing, or behave in this way?" Asking these questions has allowed me to be sympathetic to other spiritual traditions even when I don't personally agree with them, and to better understand ideas or practices that my fellow students dismiss as merely baffling or strange. For instance, when I studied the Aztecs during one semester, I tried to imagine myself as a member of a society that performed ritual sacrifice, and through that "thought experiment" I came to understand a little better what it might be like to live in a jungle teeming with wild and exuberant life, in which human communities were only one small and fragile part, and how in such a setting, harsh or fickle deities might seem the natural expressions of sacred experience. This understanding of the fragility of a person and her community has stayed with me, even though I don't believe in the Aztec deities or subscribe to the idea of human sacrifice (or any kind of deliberate violence, for that matter). So in that way, I am very much interested in broadening my knowledge of "pagan theology" and the Celtic pantheon, because even this apparently distanced and abstract approach has proved personally relevant and meaningful for me in the past.

All of that said, I want to keep open the possibility that a pagan/polytheistic theology may someday have more immediate and personal meaning for me. I continue to read various collections of Celtic myths and stories with this in mind. Recently, I even felt a strange tug of connection when reading the story of Aengus Og and the swan maiden, Caer Ibormeith. Later that week at work, during a particularly stressful dinner rush I was on the edge of breaking down in frustration, when one of my coworkers walked by carrying a strawberry pie, topped with dabs of whipped cream that looked, to me, startlingly like swans. All at once, I was reminded of the story of Caer, and her self-possession and poise, transforming effortlessly between swan and human form as she willed. A new sense of calm and self-confidence washed over me, as I felt a kind of ugly-duckling inner conviction about my own self transcending what is otherwise an often degrading and frustrating job.

Because of that experience, I want to explore this particular Celtic figure more, perhaps begin to work with her on a personal spiritual level. But I'm not sure how to begin or where to start. Do you have any suggestions for "making contact" with mythological figures or deities, or advice or experiences about how to work with gods or goddesses? Other than building an elaborate swan altar, I haven't a clue. I don't really know how neophytes to Paganism go about finding and establishing a relationship with their first patron deity, and so I don't know if such a path would be right for me or not.

2 comments:

  1. There are aspects of my life that seem to fit perfectly with Druidry--such as my devotion to poetry and music, my love of and fascination with nature, and my desire for a supportive spiritual community which accepts, encourages and inspires mystic and experiential paths to Spirit.

    Well, that sounds familiar... ;)

    Although I would consider myself a panentheist, rather than a monotheist, it seems to me that the idea of Christ as an incarnate Divine figure embraces the notion that Spirit both transcends and is immanent within the world
    ...
    I want to keep open the possibility that a pagan/polytheistic theology may someday have more immediate and personal meaning for me.


    Sounds like you're coming up on a potentially important period in your journey. Before making any sort of decision one way or the other, think carefully about where you are now and where you have come from, both the pros and cons. Pray, meditate, journal... whatever methods work best for you. How do you feel about the person Jesus? Is he important to you personally, do y'all have a relationship, or is he just part of the whole Christian "package"? Keeping in mind that you don't have to be pagan to be Druid, at least in Revival Druidry (which includes both your orders), take some time to make sure you really *understand* your relationship to the Church and with the Christian pantheon before seriously considering leaving it.

    Then take some time with this variation of your tutor's question - is your interest in polytheism intellectual or emotional? (IOW, do you *think* it or *believe* it?)

    All at once, I was reminded of the story of Caer...

    I love those moments. :)

    Because of that experience, I want to explore this particular Celtic figure more, perhaps begin to work with her on a personal spiritual level. But I'm not sure how to begin or where to start. Do you have any suggestions for "making contact" with mythological figures or deities, or advice or experiences about how to work with gods or goddesses?

    There are as many different approaches as there are people; but I can give you my opinion, FWIW.

    First, I'd consider whether it's possible that the stories themselves might be enough? I have that sort of relationship with Norse mythology - I have internalized some aspects of the Heathen/Germanic worldview (it's part of my ancestry), and I even feel a pretty deep affinity for certain aspects of Odin's character as revealed in the myths, but I don't feel a pull or call to a relationship with those Gods.

    Second, you need to figure out what you believe about the Gods. Are they real, independent spiritual beings? Are they "aspects"? Archetypes? Mental constructs? Who or what you think you're talking to will greatly influence who or what you actually do talk to.

    If you accept that these are actual spiritual beings, then you will see that working with them is no more predictable than any interaction you might have with a new friend whom you are still getting to know. If you think of them as mental constructs, of course, then your experience will be different because on some level you'll be talking to yourself.

    Assuming that you have concluded that Caer is a person, and that you want to pursue a relationship with Her, then we really get into YMMV territory.

    My experience - with the Greek Gods - has gone more or less like this.

    Read - especially ancient writings if they exist. Learn everything you can about the deity you want to meet, and try to read between the lines. In general terms, you want to know the obvious things like what She might prefer to be called, and if She has any particular likes or dislikes - rather like you might want to know if your new friend has hay fever before bringing her flowers. More, though, you're looking for insight into the kind of *person* she is, to be sure you actually do want to pursue this relationship. (It sounds like you've got a good start on this already...)

    How to contact them is, to be honest, rather personal (by which I mean that it depends more on her, and on you, than on anything I or someone else tells you); your intuition and gut instincts may be your best guides here. As a general rule, meditation is a good starting point. You can try this if you like (it's worked for me in the past)...

    Pick a time when you won't be disturbed; set up a *temporary* shrine - an image of Caer if you have one (I've used color printouts from the Web, it's just a tool), whatever offerings may be appropriate, whatever other items seem to enhance the setting. This is just needed for the duration - there will be time later to establish a more permanent home for Her if it comes to that.

    Sit down there by your shrine and chill for a bit - relax, read some of your favorite stories about Her, just get in tune with the shrine and with your intention for the working. When you're ready, announce your intention to seek Her Presence (I do this verbally, because it's part of the Hellenic tradition - I don't know about the Celtic way). Then enter into trance, maintaining awareness of your intention, and just *listen*. My experience is that if they are interested, they'll let you know; and if they're not, they'll let you know that too.

    Good luck with it, and feel free to drop me a line if you want to (I have a contact form on the blog).

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  2. Erik, Wow--this is definitely food for thought. :) Thanks very much for sharing your personal experiences, and for taking the time to be so thorough. A lot of what you suggested reminded me that I actually have gone through this process once before. In college, I went through a brief phase when I began to obsess about not truly understanding my Christianity. I did just what you talk about--reading a lot of stories about Jesus (those in the Bible as well as meditations on him by saints and theologians), contemplating those stories and mulling them over. Slowly I began to develop a relationship with J.C. that was more than just an intellectual acceptance of the Christ principle.

    I will have to give some more thought as to where that relationship now stands, and exactly what my approach to "deity" is. While I think that, intellectually, I'm already comfortable with the notion of "persons" or spiritual beings, I also know that I've been holding back on an emotional level and not exploring any new approaches--partly out of a sense of obligation to my Christian roots. I realize that neither AODA nor OBOD require me to be pagan/polytheist, but they do allow me to be if I choose. For the first time, I am involved in a spiritual community that offers me a choice, and so I think it is important that I actively make that choice (whatever it ends up being), rather than merely sticking with what has been, up until now, simply assumed.

    I'm sure I'll be writing about this process more in the future. For now, I need to go to sleep (if possible--somehow, it's still something like ninety degrees in my apartment, defying all logic and decency--ugh!).

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