Sunday, August 5, 2007

Difficult News.

While on vacation with my family this past week, I received news that a close friend of mine had died. It has been a difficult week, grieving silently on my own as my family (who did not know him) awkwardly avoided the subject, trying to still enjoy themselves without demanding that I pretend nothing was wrong. Now I'm back in Pittsburgh, and instead of unpacking and settling back into routine, I'm getting ready to go to a wake. The last funeral I attended was my grandmother's, almost ten years ago. Even though I have struggled through the depression and grief of losing this person on my own, I find myself scared about facing the friends and family members who have been here grieving with one another all week. I don't know what to do or how to react. A part of me even feels a little happy that I will be seeing my friends so soon, having missed them so much all week, and yet I feel as if this is somehow inappropriate, even selfish.

Needless to say, I'm a confused mess of emotions right now, the underlying one being anxiety in the face of the unknown. I have accepted my friend's passing, but I am afraid of what's been left behind, what will happen in the wake.

I just wanted to let readers know, in case you have been wondering at my silence. I may be quiet for a few more days yet, as I adjust to the situation here at home. Thanks for your patience, and your support and concern.


  1. May God's peace be with you.

  2. I'm very sorry to hear of this loss.

  3. My condolences for your loss, Ali.

  4. I missed this news of yours from several weeks ago. I hope that you were able to grieve at the funeral.