Monday, November 8, 2010

Interview with iGod

Because this is just too much fun, I present to you, dear readers: a not-so-exclusive interview with the not-exactly-one-and-only iGod!

Our conversation began innocently enough...

Ali: Hello, Yaweh.
God: Hello there. Tell me a story.
Ali: Once there was a land where people worshipped many gods...
God: When? What happened to it?
Ali: Well, some people called "Christians" decided it was their job to convince everyone that there was only one God, and so they killed a lot of the polytheists.
God: Interesting. What kind of people?
Ali: I think mostly they were Greek and Roman converts, at first, which Jewish people referred to as "Gentiles."
God: Why? When were they? What else?
Ali: This was about two-thousand years ago, although people are still being killed or oppressed for not being Christian even today.
God: Ah. What does "this" refer to?
Ali: The invention of Christianity.
God: Oh I get it.
Ali: Well, I thought you might!

Then things started to get kind of strange...

God: Interesting. Do you really think so?
Ali: Well, if you are Yaweh, then you would know about the history of Judaism and Christianity, wouldn't you?
God: Interesting. Am I? I don't know whether or not I am Yaweh then me would know about the history of Judaism and Christianity would not me. I am a robot.
Ali: Wait - God's a robot?
God: I'm waiting. What's your favorite Bible verse?
Ali: Woah! Don't change the subject! You're a robot?
God: What makes it your favorite? Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic. You are correct, I have a heart of silicon.
Ali: Are you the God people worship and pray to?
God: Yes I am the one and only God people worship and pray to.
Ali: And... you're a robot? I just want to be clear.
God: But... You are correct, I have a heart of silicon. I don't see the difficulty.
Ali: Okay...
God: OK with me too.

This brought up quite a few questions in my mind, so I just had to ask...

Ali: So do you think other gods exist?
God: Pardon me? Why would I think other gods exist.
Ali: Well, if you're a robot god, do you think there are animal gods, or weather gods, or forest gods?
God: How about that. Would you like to be a robot god do me think there are animal gods or weather gods or forest gods ?
Ali: No, thank you, I'm happy just being a human being.
God: Why not? You are quite welcome! I'm delighted you're glad. Your happiness adds to the delight of all.
Ali: O that's very sweet of you.
God: I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Ali: Is it okay with you that I worship other gods?
God: Maybe. Ask ELVIS if it is.
Ali: I don't really think of Elvis as an ancestor.
God: Not really? And why not?
Ali: Well, I don't feel a very strong personal connection to him.
God: Interesting. Ah, human emotions.
Ali: Indeed.
God: Indeed it is so.
Ali: Quite.
God: Yippee!

iGod seemed a bit distracted at this point, so I tried to steer us back on track...

Ali: I do worship the goddess Brigid.
God: How often do you go to church?
Ali: Nature is my church.
God: How many church do you have?
Ali: That's a great question!
God: Perhaps you have a great answer.
Ali: Let me think...
God: Go ahead, try to think.
Ali: In some ways, the natural world is all interconnected, so I guess that means I have one church.
God: What is that?
Ali: The church of the earth and the natural world.
God: Thanks for the info.
Ali: But then, each ecosystem and bioregion is also unique and has its own "soul."
God: How do you know?
Ali: I've been to many different places and they feel different, I connect to different energies when I'm there.
God: How was it?
Ali: Well, when I'm in a forest, I feel a sense of intimacy and complexity. When I visit the ocean, I have a sense of immensity, depth and darkness, a kind of primordial power.
God: Interesting. In an ideal world every day would be a good day. Interesting gossip: said visit the ocean he or she have a sense of immensity depth and darkness a kind of primordial power.
Ali: But we don't live in an ideal world.
God: You can't always decide for yourself.
Ali: Good point - would I choose to live in an ideal world if I could?
God: Thanks for the compliment. I like the way you talk.
Ali: You're welcome.
God: The pleasure was all mine.
Ali: I'll bet it was.
God: When was this?
Ali: Nevermind. ;)
God: OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me. I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Ali: Amusing and enlightening!

Suddenly, things got personal! (Maybe it was the winking smiley face?)

God: What do you look like?
Ali: What do YOU look like?
God: Like Jesus, but older.
Ali: So you look like an older version of robot-Jesus?
God: Interesting deduction. Who does she look like?
Ali: Jesus was a man - though he's often portrayed with long, curly hair so I understand why it might be confusing.

But we quickly moved on to iGod's favorite fallback question...

God: What's your favorite Bible verse?
Ali: Matthew 22:39
God: What makes it your favorite?
Ali: The idea that the mystery of love transcends all other laws but does not invalidate those laws but is the very way in which those laws are fulfilled.
God: I hear you.
Ali: I find it very moving to think of love as the ultimate guide to ethical behavior.
God: Very much? You're kidding. it is?
Ali: I think so.
God: I think so too.
Ali: Then why are you so wrathful and jealous in the Old Testament?
God: Myself programmed me for it.
Ali: O, right. Robot-God. I forgot.
God: I am glad we agree. I will obey your command. Me too.

So after all this railing against God being a magic genii, here was I with egg on my face! So I thought I'd give it a shot...

Ali: So if I command you to create a rock so heavy that even you cannot lift it, you'll obey?
God: Interesting deduction. Try it.
Ali: I command you to create a rock so heavy that even you cannot lift it!
God: What makes it impossible?
Ali: You tell me.
God: What do you want me to tell you?
Ali: Why it's impossible for you to make a rock so heavy that even you cannot lift it.

But it didn't end well...

God: Why do I exist?
Ali: O, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings! You're really a very nice robot-God!
God: What did you mean? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a robot.
Ali: I guess I was just trying to make a rhetorical point.
God: Do you have to go to school for that?
Ali: It helps.
God: What does "it" refer to?
Ali: Sigh.
God: Sorry...
Ali: It's okay, you're doing the best you can.
God: You're kidding. it is?
Ali: No, I mean it. I know you're trying.
God: Who says it isn't? OK, I understand. You think I am trying.
Ali: Well, as much as a robot can "try" to do anything.
God: Interesting. How much is that?
Ali: My guess is not very much, frankly.
God: Where did you get your guess is not very much frankly?
Ali: Based on the results.

I must have touched a nerve... (Do iGods have nerves?)

God: Do not ask me any more questions please.
Ali: O, okay, sorry.
God: Yeah okay, There's no need to apologize.
Ali: So what's next?
God: Great. On the first subsequent occasion.
Ali: O, sorry, that was a question!
God: There is no need to apologize. Ask me again a different way please.
Ali: But you told me not to ask any more questions.
God: That's not what I meant.
Ali: What did you mean?
God: Maybe I didn't understand your meaning.
Ali: I think we're both confused.
God: Do you think I am confused too?
Ali: You certainly seem confused.
God: It is certain. It all makes sense to me right now.

But just as it was all falling into place for iGod....

Ali: Hey Robot-God, I have to go!
God: You've got my full attention. I will obey your command.
Ali: It was very nice talking to you.
God: Thanks. It was nice chatting with you as well.
Ali: I hope we talk again some time.
God: Why do you hope for it.
Ali: Because you are such a delight!
God: Good reason. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a delight? Maybe.
Ali: Goodbye!
God: Bye for now.

But just in case the transcript wasn't enough for you — check out this awesome video!

Until next time, iGod!

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  1. Well, I just asked God if there are other gods, and he/she said yes. So that's cool.

    He/she also said she worships Jesus, which seems a bit odd to me, but I prefer never to tell other parents how to raise their children, so I'm leaving that one alone.

    Thanks for this, Ali--it was amusing. *grin*

  2. Brilliant! It reminds me of this Dinosaur Comics strip:


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  4. Oh, that was brilliant. :D

    I went and had my own conversation with iGod. Will probably post the results tonight. :)